"In a way Wien looks really artificial. I didn't expect that. There hasn't been changed a single thing since they shot this Sissy-movie. Coffeehouses are full of old people. They talk about the Second World war like it ended yesterday. They use the same words as in my own language, but they mean something else completely. My head is ganz schwindlig. I wished anyone could give me an explanation. Please, take me out of this blender..."
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Hildegard is enjoying her holidays in Wien
"In a way Wien looks really artificial. I didn't expect that. There hasn't been changed a single thing since they shot this Sissy-movie. Coffeehouses are full of old people. They talk about the Second World war like it ended yesterday. They use the same words as in my own language, but they mean something else completely. My head is ganz schwindlig. I wished anyone could give me an explanation. Please, take me out of this blender..."
Friday, February 15, 2008
What has happened to the last Hildegard Schneiper? (Short interview with the Swiss artist about art robbery in Switzerland)

As we all know, Hildegard has left two of her works at Art Rotterdam. One of them now is part of the precious collection of a Swiss Kunsthaus. The other one was left (by Schneiper herself) as a 'present' for the readers of this blog. Yet, no one has found it. What has happened to this soap? For all of you, I talked to Hildegard Schneiper herself.
Me: "Hildegard, please tell us, what has happened to your piece of soap?"

Schneiper: "Oh, NEIN, yuk.... Please, don't call it soap. It is a piece of art. You can call it 'artpiece'. That won't hurt..."
Me: "Then: what has happened to your artpiece?"
Hildegard: "Keine Ahnung. I have no idea. Aucun idée. Ich weiss's nicht!
Probably the cleaner has thrown it away. It's something that happens to the very best pieces of art. Everybody

Actually, I would be really proud if the cleaners of Art Rotterdam would have thrown my artpiece away. It would increase the beauty of the artpiece, as well as the value of my other work. Everybody knows that Damien Hirst has become a very rich man ever since his ashtray has been thrown away!"
Me: "Any other theories?"
Schneiper: "Maybe my artpiece was subject to art robbery. It might have been taken by someone that shouldn't have taken it. Actually, I feel quite violated about that possibilty. But also, everybody knows that it is part of reality that valuable artpieces get stolen. Thieves even use violence in order to acquire pieces for their art-collection. We have seen it

Me: "What are you going to do now?"
Hildegard: "In the future I hope to be able to produce mini-paintings, which are really easy to steal. I hate it when people use violence in order to acquire art. I can not live with the idea that a guard might be traumatized by the point of a pistol, due to someone who wants to steal a Hildegard Schneiper Artpiece. Right here, at this very moment, I want to summon all artists to make small, easy-to-steal artworks. You don't need to make big pieces of art to generate a huge impact anyway! A very tiny kleines artpiece might change the meaning of a huge building like the palace of the former Romanian dictator Ceaucescu."

Big piece of something that is probably not art, but a piece of advertisement.
Hildegard: "It was standing on top of a museum in Belgium. The artist wanted to use the museum as a column for his piece, which is a giant bottle of ketchup. The ketchup represents American culture. Both overflow the whole world and make everything taste similar. The Bevölkerung of the town got itchy by the view of the big inflatable bottle. Also, it catched too much wind. It got dangerous! So, they put it inside this hall.
I'd be more impressed if the artist had made a small, hardly visible Barbie-sized inflatable bottle of ketchup. It is really hard to make tiny, inflatable things. I am sure that no one would have noticed it than, but his idea would still remain."

Example of very small artpiece.
Hildegard: "This one generates loads of impact, even while you don't see any blood or ketchup."


Ceaucescu's palace in Bukarest, Romania.
"It is a big, big building. It is so big, that you can not understand how big it is. Doors are big, windows are big,, rooms are big... If Ceaucescu would have put some small doors in his building, or some of my small artworks, the building would probably appear much bigger. Ceaucescu war ein Arsloch who didn't understand these rules of art and nature."
Labels:
art robbery,
ashtray,
Ceaucescu,
Damien Hirst,
Hildegard Schneiper,
soap,
Swiss
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Too many famous people in Rotterdam
Now: find the little present that Hildegard has left for you...

Hildegard was relieved to meet a young gallerist from her own country - they could talk about all the things that they are deprived of when they are not in Switzerland.

Two fabulous sponsors (retailers in highbrow coffee) obviously enjoying their Swiss amuse-de -gueule.
"I met this amazing

But still we would need gallerists to sell and... businessmen to buy art, Hildegard! And: bad luck your hüsli is too small even for his tiniest piece of art...

Reknown Dutch art-critic: "I was so hungry... you saved me!".








Hildegard left a little present at Art Rotterdam....

...for whoever recognizes the location.....
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Viel spaß mit Sauerkraut auf der Kassel-reüny
IIII/IIII/II
Last saturday we re-celebrated our september-trip to the Documenta. Amongst art lovers this is a very well-known V.I.P. quinterennial art-event in Kassel. Some art-0-holics gathered in suspiciously German circumstances.......
We were served by this very authentic waitress. Gastfreiheit stand hauch in das Fandel. We all experienced her very close bond with her inner nature....
Mainly, we talked about art. Prosit! Errinnerungen an die Schöne Kunsten und andere Sachen wurden aufgehalt, aber viel wichtiger war das Trinken.
Music galore with the Kastelruther Spatzen.
Wunderschöne Bergklanken wie immer mit die Kastelruther Spatzen. Die Würstl schmeckten richtig.
She opened a bottle for us of real Elzasser weiß wein. Officially, the Elzas is part of France, but whoever went there, knows that the Elzasser people still have a German heart. You'll taste it in their wine. Das Wein war ausgelesen.
De directrice van het etablissement komt ook nog langs voor een persoonlijk praatje met de gasten en... een gratis glaasje Sprüdelwasser van de zaak. Met een grapje zorgt zij voor een luchtige sfeer.
Everybody knows that German and Dutch are the same, actually. The boss of the restaurant came to our table to make a joke in her mothertongue, which we, who are Dutch, understood perfectly, actually. I mean: we understood the words. We don't understand the German sense of humour, of course.
The waitress spread her warmth upon our table, just before our long awaited dinner arrived.
Ein sehr persohnliche Bedienung.



Wunderbares Fressen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last saturday we re-celebrated our september-trip to the Documenta. Amongst art lovers this is a very well-known V.I.P. quinterennial art-event in Kassel. Some art-0-holics gathered in suspiciously German circumstances.......

Wunderschöne Bergklanken wie immer mit die Kastelruther Spatzen. Die Würstl schmeckten richtig.
Everybody knows that German and Dutch are the same, actually. The boss of the restaurant came to our table to make a joke in her mothertongue, which we, who are Dutch, understood perfectly, actually. I mean: we understood the words. We don't understand the German sense of humour, of course.
Ein sehr persohnliche Bedienung.




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